Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
