My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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