I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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