I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
