lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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