I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
