who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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