Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The air was thick with penises
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
