Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
