I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
