he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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