Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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