Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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