I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Everything about him screamed your future.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize