You're my little dorito
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
