Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize