Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
