i just had sex bonerless
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
