I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
