This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
