We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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