You can't motorboat a personality
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
