We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
