there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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