I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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