i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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