no, he came in my armpit
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
