she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
