thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
