If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize