do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
