Im at strip club and am horny
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
