Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
