I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
