I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
as a side note pls kill me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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