Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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