I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
