I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
