someone get that fucking seahorse.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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