Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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