just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
third nipple confirmed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dear god my vagina.
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