I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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