I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
