the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize