I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
