Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
