Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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