I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
