last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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