I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
