Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
