I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
