oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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