so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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