He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just invented taco cereal.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
