why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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