Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
