If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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