My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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