Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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