I got chris browned last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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