So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
