Nicole vs. Life
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
