We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
