He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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