i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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