remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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