dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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