How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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