Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize