Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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